I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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