the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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