i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
