just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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