:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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