The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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