Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
