All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
