What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
