you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
