My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
