I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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