you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
