so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize