We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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