I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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