It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
