Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My vagina just clenched in fear
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
