my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
