Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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