Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
