u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
