At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
