Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
