He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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