I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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