so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
