guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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