the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can you bring me the toilet please
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
