why didn't you poke me back
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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