In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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