I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
