In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
