I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
