when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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