yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
