Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
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I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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