We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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