ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
