I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
