Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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