i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
