hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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