you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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