I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
