Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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