My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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