i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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