Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
