I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
