Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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