Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
