looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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