my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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