i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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