WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
