the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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