one two three fourrrrnication!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
