everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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