he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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