I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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