bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
