Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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