Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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