Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
