I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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