Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
