Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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