just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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