Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize