I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize