That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
