i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
