we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
