If that was your dad, he is hot
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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