youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
