No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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