Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
